meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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