Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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