im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
