I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't make out with my wife yet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
