uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
