Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
