Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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