Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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