we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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