After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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