I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
