when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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