There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
