I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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