fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So vagazzling was a success
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