I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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