we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
