Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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