batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
