watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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