never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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