the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize