see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
