I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
