I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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