the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
