I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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