I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
