I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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