I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
