My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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