He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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