i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure