we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.