Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom