He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
only i would get off to receiving death threats online