You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
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Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.