fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?