He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.