it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.