I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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