It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
