just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
