I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
