On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.