Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos