We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea