Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.