Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
as a side note pls kill me
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