I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
