HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
