Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
