Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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