she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
