Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
