Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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