hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
