pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
