Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
