Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
