I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
