Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
