he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
