My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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