Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
