she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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