The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
