She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
