If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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