Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
