How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
